Cruising For A Good Time

This past weekend I went on the Florida Romance Writers Cruise With Your Muse Writer’s Retreat.  It was a 4-day cruise to Key West and Cozumel on the Carnival Destiny.  Well, it was supposed to be Key West and Cozumel.  The Key West part was scrapped due to some sort of vaguely explained propulsion problem that supposedly meant we could not make it to Key West, FLORIDA, but could make it to MEXICO AND BACK just fine!!!!  In any case, it just meant an extra day a sea.  We had about 40 people in our group, which was a good size.  (Heather Graham’s posse made up about half that number.) 

The first day we had a wonderfully inspiring session with Kathy Pickering, Adam Wilson (editor from MIRA) and Eric Raab (editor from TOR) where we sat in a group and tried to spontaneously come up with a story.  One person supplied a line and the next person had to add their line to keep the story going.  We ended up with a post-apocalyptical South Beach, a headless heroine offed by the second page, a wise-cracking zombie sidekick and a Lara Croft impersonator jumping out of helicopters and spouting snark-filled dialogue.  Our illustrious editors swear they would buy that book.  We also had Season 3 of Floridian Idol where 2-3 opening pages were read out loud and then critiques by our visiting editors.  There were several excellent entries and several requests to see more (I WAS ONE OF THEM!!!  YAY!  Mine was the high school athlete being stalked by a crow if anyone who was there cares.) 

But the real action happened out of the workshop rooms.  First was the karaoke room where Adam Wilson and Eric Raab guaranteed that no one would ever be intimidated making a pitch to them ever again.  Who can be nervous to talk to two guys who perform such a stirring (and downright unsettling) version of Purple Rain?  I also got up and sang and revealed a little known fact…which is that I can actually sing.  I wasn’t really hiding it, but then I’m hardly likely to burst into song at a FRW meeting.

For our day in Cozumel, a group of 20 of us went on a trek to Tulum, home to some famous Mayan ruins.  We were entertained (or should I say driven bat-shi%t insane) by our tour guide who talked the ENTIRE HOUR WE WERE ON THE BUS.  Mostly his talk seemed to be one long, giant sales pitch advertising authentically fake Mayan cartouches with your initials carved into them or some such nonsense.  But enduring the infomercial was worth seeing the amazing ruins, which are perched on the side of a cliff overlooking the bluest Caribbean waters you can imagine.  The women on the trip also enjoyed a male version of Bo Derek’s famous beach run in “10” when a beautiful man with even more beautiful 6-pack abs was kind enough to show them off as he did a slow-motion jog out of the water.  I wonder if he could be counted as research?  When we returned to Cozumel, we spent some time in a bar themed entirely around the movie, “Three Amigos” and were thoroughly entertained by wearing embarrassingly graphic balloons on our head.  (It takes so little to keep us happy and turn us into a Junior High contingent.)  I have hilarious pictures of our editors in this bar, but I don’t know if I should post them for all the world to see.  I mean they did WORK some, but these pics could almost constitute blackmail. 

On our return trip we had some excitement when a passenger had to be air lifted off the ship by the Coast Guard due to a medical emergency.  This entailed changing course and a Coast Guard helicopter dramatically flying in from Key West (see we did get close to Key West after all) and landing on the back of the ship.  We didn’t hear anything else about the passenger, but hopefully they were able to get him help in time.  The scariest moment was when 2 big objects went flying overboard into the sea.  After one inhaled "holy sh%t" moment, my pulse went back to normal as I realized it was deck chairs and not a couple passengers.  They never did stop to fish out those deck chairs.

I had such a wonderful time, got to hang out with my writing buddies, and met some new friends and now I can’t wait for next year’s trip.

And stay tuned.  I plan to create a fun video of our trip and will post it later.

New Year’s Resolutions

So, I’m making my resolutions a little late, but it’s been crazy busy since the holidays ended.  And then we had a wicked cold snap that I think froze everyone’s brains because it’s been very hard to get on track.  I was thinking about my resolutions.  I don’t always make a big deal about them.  But there are things I should resolve to do this year. (we’ll see if I do them.)

1.      Clean out my sock drawer.  Seriously, I think there are socks and other unmentionables in there from forever ago.  I know I don’t wear them because I have to push them aside to find the socks I do want (which I can never do b/c they’re buried under everything else).

2.      Desk drawer (See Resolution #1).  It’s a mess.  But every time I look at it I run screaming from the room.

3.      Cabinet under the sink (See Resolution #1 & #2) When I open the cabinet stuff falls out because it’s teetering on the edge.  Every weekend I say, I’m going to get under there and throw away all the stuff I haven’t used since I moved in.  Never happens.  I have someplace I need to be.  I’d much rather read.  I need to work/finish on my new book….

4.      Which brings me to #4…I’ve had 2 different projects floating around in my head looking for directions for a couple months now.  I’ve been stuck.  After the last round of rejections I just found it hard to get back on track.  And the work life has been off-the-charts crazy so mentally I haven’t been able to do much else once I leave the office.  It’s very frustrating.  I’d love to make a resolution that I WILL land a signed contract his year, but that’s such a crapshoot…Well ok…I RESOLVE TO HAVE A SIGNED CONTRACT BY THE END OF THIS YEAR.   From this page to God’s ear, right?

5.      Keep in better touch with friends and family.  I am TERRIBLE about this.  I do not really enjoy talking on the phone that much.  Months will go by and I haven’t spoken to anyone.  Facebook even gets on my case about this.  There’s a feature on there that tells you that it’s been a long time since you talked to “so-and-so” and it’s time you reached out.  It’s very sad when a website has to tell you you’re being a slacker.  Now whenever I go on there I see who’s popped up in the “Friends” window on my profile page.  I’ve decided to take that as a sign from above that I should write something to that person.   Just to say hi, see how they are.

So, those are my resolutions.  Let’s see how many of them I keep.

One Wild Christmas

(I shamlessly copied this from another source.  I did not write it.)

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.  Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health..

I can't wait until next Christmas.

Adam Lambert Debuts The Real Adam Lambert on American Music Awards

If you’ve been watching the news lately you know the biggest stir is not the healthcare bill or Afghanistan.  No, it’s the dust-up over Adam Lambert’s racy performance at the American Music Awards.   When I say “racy”, I mean gross.  There were simulations of blow jobs, whips & chains, fondling of both men and women.  He also kissed another guy, though I guess I must have shut my eyes at that point because I missed it. 

Of course, the world went into an uproar.  It led to Good Morning America canceling Adam’s scheduled appearance. Adam Lambert has spent the last few days “not” apologizing and accusing the critics of a double standard.  He points out that people like Madonna and Britney Spears routinely had overtly sexual content in their performances.  And of course, the now famous Madonna/Britney kiss has been shown on TV about a billion times.  On this point, I have to agree with him.  These kinds of sexualized “acts” are over-the-top and offensive, whether it’s a woman doing them or a man.  It’s probably more accepted when women do it because most of the music execs and at least half the viewing population are male. And they’d never object to a woman rolling around on the floor half naked or a girl-on-girl kiss.  That’s a fantasy for them.  They don’t often fantasize about a guy doing those things. 

Now, maybe Adam wanted to cause the dust-up.  After all, everyone was certainly talking about him the next day…and still is.  But the thing is I don’t think he needs to rely on whips & chains to become famous or have a long and successful career.  If anything his antics may have cost him a huge segment of his fanbase.   I watched him on American Idol and he turned in fantastic performances every week.  Because AI does put constraints on what the contestants can do on prime time national TV, Adam was forced to use only his voice and his stage presence.  Sex is the easy sell.  It takes no effort to cause a stir.  It’s much harder to get people to pay attention to your music.  I think Adam is an amazing singer and an amazing performer.  But at the end of his “act” I remembered nothing about his voice or the song.  I remembered the simulated blow job.  I remembered the dancers crawling around on the floor attached to leashes.  I remember him fondling some woman’s crotch. 

And that makes me sad and angry.

I'm feeling very guilty as I don't think I've made a post in awhile.  I've had things to say occasionally, but just haven't been able to get over here to post. 

So here goes.  What am I doing writing wise?  Well, I'm sort of in reassessment mode.  I completed my third book, which was the latest in my series set in the fictional, Southern town.  I turned it in to my agent and then had the obligitory wait to hear back from her.  When I did the news was mixed.  She liked the story, but was afriad it was too similar to the last two submissions that we've sent out to editors.   Other than a few we're still waiting to hear back from, the answers have all been "no thank you" for various reasons that seem mostly to do with things other than the quality of the book.  Comments like "we like it, but don't have a place for another contemporary romance".   So my agent feared we would wind up getting the same response if we sent book three out now.

Her suggestion was that I try something different.  She thinks small-town settings are still popular, esp. in the  inspirational market and she doesn't want me to lose my humorour tone.  So she thought maybe a women's fiction where the story focuses on what's happening in the town and the romance is secondary.  I'm still not quite sure what that book might be. 

Meanwhile, I've had this really crazy idea and it's based on the character from ym last book.  The story centers around a children's book author who had one big best-selling book and now is stuck for a new idea.  All throught the book there are hints about the book SHE wrote.  A fantasy story with a fairy warrior princess.  Well, that idea has been swimming around in my head and it's morphed into a oung Adult/Fantasy/Romance.  Sort of Buffy The Vampire Slayer meets Harry Potter (with a female hero).  Surprisingly ,y lovely teenage heroine has a sassy voice.  She's sort of a younger version of my previous adult heroines.  I have no idea if I can write a YA or fantasy as I've never tried them before.  I'm not really even a big fantasy person...but the idea won't go away.  And the Young Adult market is booming now thanks to Potter and the Twilight series.  So we'll see where it goes.

Mourning Patrick Swayze

My Entertainment Weekly Magazine arrived Monday and on the cover was Patrick Swayze’s in full heartthrob mode.  It’s been a terrible summer for 80’s icons…Michael Jackson, John Hughes, and now the man who stole Baby’s heart and made the Mambo sexy.  If you grew up in the 80’s, chances are you were a little in love with Patrick Swayze – or least with Johnny Castle the character he played in Dirty Dancing.  I know I was.  They showed the movie on TV all weekend and it was really hard to watch.  To me Johnny & Baby are frozen in time.  I just can’t imagine he’s not here anymore.  Surely they’re both still dancing the Mambo somewhere.  They must still be practicing lifts in the lake and dancing on an overturned tree trunk.  It’s unthinkable that they ever grew older or that one of them could ever get cancer and die. 

Dirty Dancing was a small movie, made on a very modest budget, with no big name stars.  It was set in the early 60’s and had ballroom dancing.  It was meant to be a silly summer flick that was quickly forgotten.  Instead it became one of the biggest movies of the decade.  For 3 reasons I believe…The universal theme of first love, great music, and Patrick Swayze’s hips.  Seriously.  Dirty Dancing was a coming-of-age story that appealed to every woman.  And inspired a hope that maybe there was a Johnny Castle out there for her too.  Every song made you want to dance.  And those hips.  Can’t forget that.  Patrick Swayze made ballroom dancing sexy way before anyone on Dancing With The Stars.

I also can’t help comparing Patrick Swayze (and Johnny Castle) to some of today’s so-called sex symbols.  There seems to be a definite string of androgynous man-boys. They’re almost feminine, with faces as pretty as any girl (in some cases prettier).  Look at the guy in the Twilight movies.  He’s supposed to be playing a kick-butt vampire, but Roberti Pattinson doesn’t look capable of protecting anyone.  Maybe I’m too old, but I don’t get the appeal.  I know the Twilight stuff is designed to make teenage girls come unglued so I guess I’m not the audience.  Or is that really the kind of guy women are supposed to want these days?  The thing that was so appealing about Johnny Castle is that he was a man. In every sense of the word.  Baby sure knew it.  He made the “college boy” waiters look like empty shells. 

I feel a little emptier with the passing of yet another of my teenaged memories.  And now I’m thinking I’ll have to go out and get a copy of Dirty Dancing.

A random rant on things I’d be happy never to see or hear about again.

Do you ever get to the point where you’re just so sick of something or someone that you feel ready to punch the next person who mentions that thing or person?  I’ve been feeling that lately over a number of things and people.

The Twilight Craze and/or Vampires of any kind – Seriously.  Stop.  I don’t care.  I don’t want to care. I don’t want to read the books or see the movie. I don’t want to hear about them every time I turn on a TV.  I’m also sick of vampires in general.  The romance section is filled with them.  It’s hard to find books about anything else lately. Vampires had already peaked in the romance genre a couple years ago.  Then the Twilight craze took over and it grew into ginormous, living, breathing entity that is threatening to take over the world.  I’ve heard that Twilight has even outsold the mighty Potter books.  That’s not entirely surprising, given its fanbase.  While Harry Potter drew boys, girls and some adults, Twilight brought hordes of teenage girls into the equation.  And let me tell you, no one does obsession better than a tween-teen girls. I just want it to stop.  Now.

Miley Cyrus – Good grief! This girl has taken over my TV.  Her Disney Channel show is on 24 hours a day.   She took over the Teen Choice Awards and then every channel spent the next 2 weeks dissecting her performance, which was accompanied by a pole…as in a stripper pole.  The tiny clip I which was rebroadcasted 80 million times didn’t seem all that racy, but maybe there was more they didn’t show.  In any case, the collective hand-wringing over Miley doing a pole dance while her father looked on proudly has given me a giant headache.  Beyond that Climb song is played on the radio literally every time I get in my car.  (Sometimes more than once if it’s a long trip.)  Is there some kind of contract that says it must be played at least 3 times every hour?  Every segment of every entertainment show has something about her, with the daily hyperventilating over whether she’s trying to go all sexy.  (One guess…yes…it’s what they all do.  They think that’s the way to keep fans as they grow up.)  Just like Britney a few years ago, I’m sick of her.  Thankfully, Britney had a convenient breakdown that took her out of the limelight.  I don’t want Miley to go shaving her head and marrying any random backup dancer on a whim, but I do want a break from her.

Anything mentioning Spencer or Heidi (aka Speidi) - Really?  These two are what our collective society is supposed to be interested in?  No wonder our country is going to pot. They appear on some stupid “reality” show.  They are detestable and gross and so full of themselves it’s sick.  I don’t understand why they continue to appear on any station.  Heidi even showed up on the Miss Universe Pageant, doing a horribly bad job of lip syncing to a horribly bad song that she allegedly sang on an alleged album.  I frankly don’t know what those beauty queens did to deserve that kind of abuse, even if they do parade around a stage in a bathing suit while numbers grading them flash across the screen.

On that note…Anyone in the Khardashian family (including Kim with a k, Kourtney with a K and Klohe with a K) - Let me make it clear that I have never watched this show.  But it doesn’t matter.  I still can’t escape hearing about it every 5 minutes.  What exactly is it that makes these people so interesting?  What have they done to merit not one, but TWO reality shows?  I don’t get it.  They don’t DO anything but shop & complain about each other.  Now it’s even worse since two of the sisters have a show that’s filmed in Miami. And not even the most popular sister, at that.  (I can’t believe I know that, but like I said, you can’t escape hearing about them.)  This is what’s capturing our attention, folks and it’s frankly sad.

Anything with the word “green” in it – I’m sorry if it makes me insensitive to environmental concerns, but if I hear the words green-anything I will scream.  I’m all for trying to do things that will protect the environment, but at this point “green” has become nothing more than a marketing term thrown out to sell stuff, be it cars or detergent or light bulbs.  Just like the words “non-fat” are thrown out to entice the diet-conscious into buying a certain brand, “green” is thrown out to make people think they are fighting off global warming. It’s the same thing. NBC is the WORST with their “Green is Universal” campaign, which makes me wanna puke.  If they send the Today show crew on anymore of these “Ends of the earth/Antarctica is melting” episodes I really will throw up.  And if I remember correctly, the one who got sent to Antarctica couldn’t even GET to Antarctica because (are you ready for this) IT WAS TOO COLD!  Never mind the fact that NBC is owned by GE, which has a very vested interest in so-called “green technology” because they make most of it and stand to gain billions off it.

So…until next time.  That’s my rant.

Miss Universal Appeal

I don’t know if any of you managed to catch it, but the Miss Universe Pageant was on last week.  I know, I know.  You probably thought it wasn’t even on anymore.  It certainly doesn’t get the kind of attention is used to.  Beauty pageants in general have become a topic of intense debate in this country. Plenty feel it’s demeaning to parade women around in bikinis while a rating number is scrawled across the bottom of the screen.  This is not the case is other countries, particularly South American countries.  To them, this pageant is Serious Business.  I remember seeing a documentary once on the pageant industry down there. (think it was Colombia or Venezuela) They literally have schools where these girls go to train just for this.  They line them up and then tell each girl what they need to have “fixed”, meaning surgically altered.  One gets boobs, one gets nose, some get both.  New hair, colored hair, liposuction for those unfortunate enough to have hips. They also coach them on how to answer the all-important judge question. It’s like when they send athletes to training camps, only these camps are only about producing

 I didn’t watch the whole show, but what I did see let me know that the gild is definitely off the lily when it comes to pageants. 

First of all, the entertainment…Heidi Montag & Flo Rida.  Are you serious?  A reality show flunky doing a terrible job lip syncing to a truly horrendous song.  Who decided this chick should make an album anyway?  Isn’t it enough that she and her heinous spouse Spencer clog up the TV airwaves on a regular basis?  Now she has to invade radio as well?  Gag me!  And then to bring on Flo Rida, a hip hop/rap guy to “serenade” the girls.  Nothing against him.  Some of his songs are catchy, but they belong in a club with strobe lights a tons of drunk people, not on a pageant stage while confused beauty queens from sub-Saharan Africa try to sway and smile like they understand a word he’s saying.

And you know a show is BORING when the most fun you have is trying to figure out which beauty queens had been surgically enhanced. Which was pretty much all of them so far as I could tell. Literally, my roommate and I did this for every single one of the 12 finalists. Some had better jobs done, others (like unfortunately Miss USA) had obvious melons on their chest.  No attempt to make them look natural whatsoever.  Just tiny waist & skin colored water balloons for boobs.  

Then there were the judges.  Who picks these people? Random actors who are apparently out of work, random singers, the owner of the resort where the pageant was held, a partner of Donald Trump who own the Miss Universe pageant.  One of them was actually described as having a line of “lip gloss”.  I’m not making that up.  A line of just lip gloss. Just how many kinds of lip gloss could there be anyway?  She’s not interested in any other kind of make-up?

In the end the Beauty Queen Training Camps reigned supreme as Miss Venezuela was crowned Miss Universe.  The 2^nd time in a row Venezuela has won.  Then the outgoing Universe came out to crown the new Universe and pretty much threw the crown (which I learned was voted on by the public in an online poll of some sort.) on the girl’s head, causing it to fall on the ground.  Guess the Training Camps didn’t cover that particular subject.

South Motors Honda in Miami...Bad Service, Bad Attitude, Bad Salesman

Saturday I began what I thought would be the best part of the car buying experience...The test drive.  I went to 3 of the car dealers on my list: Honda, Nissan & Mazda.  I went by myself, which in retrospect was probably a mistake.  At the Honda dealership (South Motors Honda located at , phone # 305-256-2340) I had what had to be the WORST experience I could have imagined.  I left feeling disappointed, and frankly offended, at the rude and dismissive way I was treated. 

I went in to take a look at a 2-door Honda Civic and the Honda Insight hybrid vehicles.  The day before I had read an article in the State Farm Insurance Magazine that weighed some of the pros & cons of hybrid vehicles versus standard vehicles.  One of the “cons” was that the hybrid vehicles can be very expensive to repair if parts ever need to be replaced.  So, I asked the salesman about this issue.  I guess I offended him with the question.  Maybe I wasn't supposed to malign the reputation of Honda with petty questions about repair costs.  Because he snapped, “I don’t know anything about what happens once the car leaves the showroom. You’d have to ask the service department.”

Really?  A Honda salesman is not aware of the reliability and track record of vehicles he sells?  I should think this would be something any good salesman would know.  I should also think any good salesman would also have a better answer at hand than, “ask the service department”.  Then he followed up with, “Well, I guess whatever source you read had backup to prove that.” So, I guess he thought I was making the whole issue up?  Frankly, I’d trust State Farm as a source over a car salesman any day.  

The salesman also didn’t seem to want to waste time with test drives.  When I asked to drive both vehicles he told me that the only 2-door Civic he had was blocked in next to the building.  (On a side note, I checked the dealership website the next day it listed FIVE 2-door Honda Civics in stock.  So either the was lying or he truly didn’t know anything about the cars on the lot.)  In any case, I told him I’d drive a 4-door model if that was more convenient.  We went out and drove the Insight hybrid vehicle first.  When we got back he started to direct me inside.  I asked about driving the Civic.  His response was, “Are you planning to drive all of them?”   My inner response was, "Well, now I will.  I might just drive every model you've got."  I’m not sure what prompted that totally response.   He then told me that he was “busy” and that I should make an appointment and come back later.  I guess he had better things to do than to try and make a sale. 

I’m still trying to figure out why he was so rude.  Perhaps it was because I’m a woman and I showed up alone.  Perhaps he didn’t think I was serious about buying a car.  Perhaps he was angry that I didn’t immediately want to start negotiating a deal so he could get his sale that day.  Or perhaps he just didn’t really care if he sold me a car or not.  The economic situation has hit many industries hard – auto dealerships in particular – but maybe South Motors Honda hasn't felt the effects of the recession and they don’t really need the extra sales. 

In any case, I have no intention of going back there and if I do end up buying one it will never be at South Motors Honda, with or without an “appointment”.   

Why car buying makes you crazy

Seeing as how my trusty, 10-year-old Saturn has started to show its age (and nearly stranded me on US1) , I’m now entering the world of new car buying.  A place I haven't been for the aforementioned 10 years.  And let me tell you, just like having to start dating after a divorce, it's a scary place. (not that I really know what that's like, since I've never been married or divorced).   First of all there are waaaaaayyyyyy too many choices.  About 5,000 different brands and 75,000 models.  Who can be expected to know which of these cares is really better?  Unless you’re one of the male species who seems to be born knowing the difference between a V6 and a V8 engine.  The only V8 I’m familiar with is the tomato juice in a can.  So I’m forced to spend hours upon hours scouring websites like Edmunds and cars.com.  Reading the reviews and doing comparisons and highlighting which has better features for the price.  I’m sticking to a general price range.  It's the “I’m poor and frankly can’t afford a car payment now” price range.  I am attempting to avoid the cars whose only “options” are seats and a steering wheel.  And I must “option” air conditioning and a radio.   I’m also avoiding that tiny little 2-seater car that looks like something a 5-year-old gets a Christmas presents to ride around the back yard.  I don’t remember the name of it.  I only know that I drive in Miami and if I were to be in that thing I’d get squashed like a bug.  Plus, it just looks stupid, and people driving it look stupid.  Sorry.  Don’t mean to be judgmental, but people in them DO look stupid.  I’m looking at hybrid cars, too.  I like the gas mileage of them certainly and Honda & Toyota make the least inexpensive ones.  But I can’t help feeling like the people who buy them only do it so they feel superior to the owners of SUVs and oil-based cars out there.  It’s kind of obnoxious.  Plus, really the hybrids are not all that cute.  It’s vain of me I know, but I like cute.

Then I have to do the price comparisons.  Then look at what dealers around here are selling for. (which always seem to be about $3,000-$5,000 MORE than what Edmunds lists.  Thanks Miami for the higher prices.)  Then the scariests part, is negotiating.  YUCK and DOUBLE YUCK!)

But here’s my long list right now:

-Mazda3 (cute, good reviews, doesn’t look like a mom car)

-Hyundai Genesis (Good reviews and gosh is it CUTE!  Plus, Hyundai has an amazing warranty, but may be out of my price range)

-Honda Insight (the hybrid best option. ALMOST cute, price is nice and have to admit 40 mile per gallon IS sweet. Might even make me feel obnoxious about saving the earth from deadly fossil fuels.)

Honda Civic (Is actually cute, decent price, good reputation for reliability)

-Nissan Altima (The 4-door is blah, but the 2-door? Major cuteness, plus good reviews and decent price)

-Ford Focus (Kinda blah, but decent reviews, decent price. It’s American-made and I can’t help thinking American-made car companies need help.)

-Scion tC (I think it’s the poor cousin to Toyota, but it is all the way cute and seems to have decent reviews and more than decent price.)

-Volkswagen Jetta – (Yeah, it’s cute, even with 4-doors, decently priced, but looks expensive.)

-Toyota Camry (good price, reputation for reliability, but seriously not so very cute.)

-Mitsubishi Eclipse (All the way cute, reviews are alright, price is alright.)

So now my next start is test drives.  Might be the most fun part of the process, except for the fact that I know some sales guy is gonna want to talk price right out of the gate.